The Great Adventures of Mary Sue
by Konrad
Summary: A parody about all the 'Mary sue' and 'OOC' stories out there. Mary sue is here to save the planet from totaly desruction with her killer looks and AWESOME power! Wait? what is she really up to?
1. Chapter 1

**THE GREAT ADVENTURES OF MARY SUE!**

Part 01

Hi everyone! bloodpatternblue got the marvelous idea to make a parody after all the 'Mary Sue' fics out there. For those who don't know, Mary Sue is a name people give when the author of a story makes the main character themselves. She is usually perfect in way, the most powerful, the most beautiful and always gets the guy. And quite frankly that makes us sick! So this is a collaboration with bloodpatternblue who is co-authoring with me, for those of you who don't like Mary Sue (or her evil twin brother, Marc) and 'OOC'. Enjoy!

"There! Everything is setup perfect for the party; this is going to be a blast!" Bulma yelled out in joy as she looked at her handiwork, her backyard awash with colorful lights, decorations and tables. Herself she was all prepped up, with an elegantly short and tight red dress with no sleeves and matching lipstick. For some reason, she woke up this morning feeling incredibly different and unusually chirpy, so she phoned all the Z Squad – even Piccolo had a phone, after all what cave-and-waterfall didn't come with a line? - and invited them for a party. Besides, it'll cheer them up for the fight with Cell!

Vegeta walked up to Bulma and looked at her in obvious nervousness. He held a small piece of paper in his hands. Bulma sighed.

"What do you want, Veggie-head!" she asked. Vegeta's sensitive and romantic heart fluttered upon hearing her voice because it was the most beautiful thing in the world!

"Oh, my sweet, sweet love!" he declared. "Mere words cannot do you justice! But if they could, and if they could be made into a poem..."

"Oh Kami, not again. Vegeta, for the last time, I HATE your poetry!"

"...here's what I would say!" he cleared his throat and started reading from the piece of paper. "Roses are red, violets are blue, your hair is too... Oh wait, let me make a few corrections!" As he started to scribble, the door rang.

"Ah, saved by the bell!" cried Bulma and she ran to answer, leaving behind Vegeta to fit into his poem something that rhymes with 'red'. She greeted the Son trio. Gohan didn't bother to lift his nose from a book he was reading. "Oh, thank goodness, you came Chichi! I'm so glad YOU BROUGHT A REAL MAN!" she screamed the last part to try to make it heard by Vegeta.

"Oh, that's nothing, you can do anything with a frying pan!" the brunette replied proudly brandishing the dish, eliciting a whimper from Goku.

"Ooh, I need to learn how to use that thing..."

"Chichi… What is a Mmm… maaa… Man?" He asked trying to repeat Bulma's words.

Chichi shot him a terrifying look. And slowly raised her frying pan tapping it lightly on the palm of her hand. Goku yelped and hid behind Gohan. Who took no notice of the Saiyan and continued reading his book.

"Quiet Goku! Before I decapitate you with this cooking utensil!" Chichi warned.

"Chichi… what is a GGggg…Go…Goku?" Goku asked hiding behind Gohan still.

The woman glared at Goku and he cowered behind his 2 ft tall son.

"That's better!" She said smiling.

Bulma was about to guide them inside when she was stopped again by a certain love sick Saiyan.

"Love… it is a word of devotion and beauty… but to me can also mean sorrow, because although my heart craves the soft warm touch of you skin on mine… I shall never have it…" Vegeta cried on his knees in front of the blue haired woman.

Bulma stepped over him as if he wasn't there and the Sons followed her. And as she brought them to the backyard, surely enough, the doorbell rang again.

After ushering the Sons to the back, Bulma went to answer the door again and this time it was Krillin.

"What do you get when you cross a plane with a biscuit?" Krillin asked Bulma, all hyped up for his punch line.

Bulma sighed and rolled her eyes.

"A plain biscuit?" She asked him.

"Awww… you know that one? Damn it!" He said scribbling down another joke.

"Ok! Ok! How about… why did the chicken cross the road…?" He asked smiling again.

"Chickens don't cross roads, Krillin."

"Aww man! Oh, I got another one, it's an Asian guy, a Jewish guy, and a Black guy who walk into a club...Hehehe! Oh my god, it's so funny, I can laugh already! So an Asian guyHAHAHA! It's so hilarious, I tell you! So the Asian says... BWAHAHAHA, this is so good!" Krillin chuckled in between sentences until, unable to control himself, he grabbed his stomach and started to laugh hysterically.

Bulma sighed she grabbed his suit collar and pushed him inside and shut the door. She turned around only to be surprised by star filled eyes.

"Ohhh… your wearing the musk perfume!" Vegeta sighed smelling the air intensly.

"ARRGGHH!" Bulma shouted pushing his face out of hers.

After ushering Krillin to the back and fending off Vegeta's advancements, Bulma went to answer the door again and this time it was Piccolo. Upon seeing her in her tight red dress, his jaw dropped down, saliva dripping on one side.

"Oh Bulma, you're so hot! I-I... C-Can I t-t..."

"That is not the way to woo a woman, O my noble Namek friend!" suddenly chirped in an enthusiastic Vegeta from behind Bulma, again holding a poem in his hands. "The way to a fair lady's heart is through romantic poetry. Ahem! O Bulma, your love is more deeper than the sea, bigger than the mountain, more wild than the giant wild Saiyan monkey stomping mad with rabies and itching is his geni...!"

"Aaack! I've heard enough of your lovesick ballads!" Bulma said pushing the Saiyan back to the backyard.

"Oh, you think it's so good that you don't need to hear more? Oh, how I'm overwhelmed with joy!" he said lovingly as he was thrown outside. Bulma returned to a still-drooling Namek. She gave a quick smile then promptly grabbed him by his ear and started pulling him.

"Ow! Ow! Ow!" Piccolo whimpered.

"Shut up, you big perv!" Bulma yelled. And as she brought him to the backyard, surely enough, the doorbell rang again.

After ushering Piccolo to the back, Bulma went to answer the door again and this time it was Tenshinhan and Chaozu.

"Hey Bulma! Thanks for inviting us to the party." Chaozu said.

"Hi, Chaozu... and heeeeellloo, Tenshinhan!" Bulma said pursing her lips.

"Tenshinhan." The Triclops replied with barely a hint of emotion in his voice or face.

"Bulma, I need your help! Tenshinhan has been acting very strange since this morning. He has no emotion, as if he has no personality, and all he can say is his name, nothing else! I don't know what's going on... uh, Bulma!" Chaozu stopped himself when he saw Bulma take a step towards his friend. Her eyes and her movements radiated of lust.

"Hey, sexy!" she purred. "Why don't you follow me to the back and we'll see if we can get some time to... get to know each other if you know what I mean."

"Tenshinhan!" Tenshinhan said. Chaozu sighed, he felt a strange aura in the air all around him since the day began and reflected that this might be a weird day. And as she brought them to the backyard, surely enough, the doorbell rang again.

After ushering Tenshinhan and Chaozu to the back, Bulma went to answer the door again and this time it was Yamcha. Even though she could not NOT invite him, she still regretted doing so almost immediately.

"Oh please, Bulma baby!" he cried, pleading with both hands. "Take me back and leave Vegeta, I promise I'll change! I promise I'll stop being a player and a pimp!" Bulma rolled her eyes.

"I don't know if I could ever go back with you, Yamcha. All you do is hurt me over and over..."

"But this time I'm gonna be different, I'll stop cheating and..." he was interrupted by his cell, which he promptly answered. "Hello?... Oh hey, baby! So what you doing?" he chirped seductively on the phone. Bulma sighed and started to shove him to the party in the back.

"Come on, you no good lying cheating loser!" she said frustrated.

"Oh Bulma baby, it's just a friend, I swear! I... Yeah? What you wearing? Ooh, maybe you should take it off, Hehehe!..." Yamcha continued on the phone oblivious as Bulma kept shoving him. And as she brought him to the backyard, surely enough, the doorbell rang again.

After ushering Yamcha to the back, Bulma went to answer the door again and this time it was Future Trunks.

"Oh, there you are, sweetheart!" she greeted him with a tight hug. "You're just in time for the big party."

"Party?" Trunks asked, raising an eyebrow. "Oh, is that what's going on? Sorry, mother, I just came out of the Time Room. You know, ever since I came out of there earlier, I've had this strange feeling following me all around."

"That's ok. Come on, you're the last one here. In you go!" she said as she got behind him and started pushing him towards the backyard.

"I can walk on my own already, you can stop pushing me!" he replied.

When they made it to the huge gathering outside, Trunks looked around and saw everyone acting unusual. Goku was asking the now perplexed Briefs' cat how does he stay cool in the summer with its fur, Piccolo was rubbing the top of his head in very obvious pain, Vegeta was eagerly scribbling on paper with hearts in his eyes, Yamcha was flirting with an unknown girl whom he had somehow snuck into the party, Krillin seemed to be laughing hysterically at Piccolo while Chichi was holding a frying pan and muttering something about "perverted green men...". Trunks caught sight of Gohan sitting in a corner with a book in hand so he approached him.

"Hey Gohan!"

"Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it."

"Uh...what?" Trunks questioned. Gohan sighed.

"George Santayana. He is right! If we don't learn from our past how can we can make our future? Doesn't that make sense? To move forward, humanity must look backwards, we must take a hard look at ourselves in the mirror and ask "What is the world coming too?"! We can strive and prosper if we learn from our mistakes. You see, Trunks, I have a dream..."

As the academic youngster took a messianic glow and passion rang in his voice, Trunks, face filled with fear, subtly but surely backed away. Gohan didn't seem to notice as he continued his inspired rant. Trunks kept backing up until he bumped into something small.

"Hey, watch it!" Chaozu yelled out.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Chaozu!" Trunks said as he turned around. "I didn't see you there, I was just, um, talking to Gohan."

"You tried talking to him? Am I the only one to notice that's he's gotten a little too serious about his studies?"

"So he freaked you out too, huh?"

"Yeah, but I'm the only one who's seen that. Well now there's you too." Chaozu said.

"Hey, where's Tenshinhan? Is he here too? I didn't see him; I thought he always traveled with you."

"He's just over there with your mom... never mind, you really don't want to know what they're doing." Chaozu mentioned, pointing somewhere behind Trunks. The Saiyan's jaw dropped at those words but he didn't dare to turn around.

"Oh, my... You're right, I don't want to know. What I don't see won't hurt me!" he sighed. "Everybody's acting so strange today. Ever since I came out of the Time Room, I can feel something strange in the air, like some sort of evil Ki around us all. And I feel it's getting stronger."

"You felt it too? It's like something is getting closer and... Trunks, look!"

Trunks looked up in the air just as a sound like an engine roar became audible. Everybody present looked up too to see a round space pod descend slowly, blowing a huge amount of wind. They all moved away as the pod settled in the middle of the lawn.

"What the...?" Trunks murmured as his gut told him something was horribly wrong. Chaozu instinctively grabbed a tight hold of Trunks' jacket, a feeling of dread creeping on him.

Suddenly, the door of the pod opened and a teenage girl stepped out of the craft. She wore armor atop a perfectly curved body. She had mid length brown hair and bright blue eyes. A brown tail swished excitedly behind her. Unnoticed to everyone except Trunks and Chaozu, a brief glimmer of evil reflected in her eyes before they became perfectly innocent and immensely sweet looking. A slight but definite familiar background music started to play.

"Mary Sue… F#K yeah…. Came to save… The motherF#king day…" The theme song played while the Z Senshi bopped along besides Future Trunks and Chaozu.

"Hi everyone!" she chirped merrily. "My name is Mary Sue and I'm a Saiyan from the past who's Vegeta's sister and Goku's mother, Bardocks dead lover, Goku's twin sister, Trunks ultimate wife and Vegeta's lost lover and the one who can stop Cell all at the same time!"

"Kami, no..." muttered inaudibly Trunks and Chaozu simultaneously.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ or any of its characters! Hence why I am a fan!

A/N: Hey everyone! I'm Bloodpatternblue and I will be you're hostess for this evening!

Konrad explained that he and I are co-writing this story… I came up with the idea of it but Konrad did a lot of the plot line, so we are both to blame for this atrocity! He! He! He! It's a good idea and I'm glad I came up with it! Anyway!

On with part two!

ENJOY!

**THE MARVELLOUS GRAND ADVENTURES OF MARY SUE**

Part two

"Hi everyone!" she chirped merrily. "My name is Mary Sue and I'm a Saiyan from the past who's Vegeta's sister and Goku's mother, Bardocks dead lover, Goku's twin sister, Trunks ultimate wife and Vegeta's lost lover and the one who can stop Cell all at the same time!"

"Kami, no..." muttered inaudibly Trunks and Chaozu simultaneously.

"Mary Sue?" Bulma asked herself.

"Yes that's right! I'm here to beat Cell and steal all the guys' hearts away from their loved ones!" Mary Sue said with a cute little smile.

"What!" Trunks and Chaozu asked astonished.

Chaozu looked around at the Z Senshi. Everyone was staring starry eyed at the mysterious girl, like they didn't even hear what she just said.

"Oh you! Stop joking around!" Bulma chirped laughing.

A wicked smile washed over Mary Sue's face, it seemed only Chaozu and Trunks could tell there was something horribly wrong with this scene.

"And how exactly will you be doing that!" Trunks asked suspiciously.

"Oh Trunks! Stop being a party pooper!" Bulma said.

"Party pooper… such insightful words from a beautiful woman!" Vegeta said scribbling them down in his note book.

"Give it a REST!" Bulma shouted kicking Vegeta up the butt.

Vegeta went flying and landed in front of the amazingly sexy Mary Sue.

"OUCH!" He said rubbing his sore behind.

Vegeta looked up into Mary Sue's deep eyes and got lost in her perfect frame and features. Mary Sue smirked as Vegeta started to dribble on himself in front of her.

"Father? Are you ok?" Trunks asked walking over to his father.

Trunks lent down and put his hand on Vegeta's shoulder. Vegeta quickly spun around.

"HUBA DOBBA DOHH WEEEEEEHHHOOOOOO WEEEEE HOOOOOO NO DUHIWANO!" Vegeta spat out as his pupils shrunk to microscopic size.

"What's wrong with him!" Chaozu yelled.

"He looks like he has been drugged or something! Mother, we got to get him!" Trunks yelled, scared for his father's life.

"Oh don't worry!" Mary Sue said almost singing. "He is just madly in love with me! The power of my endless beauty has crushed his soul and mind!" Mary Sue chanted.

"What are you up to!" Chaozu yelled.

"Tenshinhan!" Tenshinhan yelled at Chaozu.

"But Tenshinhan! She is EVIL!" Chaozu yelled.

"OHHH!" The Z Senshi gasped in unison.

"What did you just say?" Chichi yelled getting her fry pan ready.

Chaozu sighed and turned to Trunks.

"Something is wrong, Trunks! They don't see what's happening here!" Chaozu yelled frustrated.

"I know what you mean!" He said turning to Mary Sue.

Mary Sue looked down at Trunks and smiled sweetly fluttering her eyelashes.

"That won't work on me! What are you up to!" Trunks yelled still holding his father as he drooled.

"What ever do you mean? I'm not evil, Trunks! I'm here to save the day!" She said innocently.

"Oh yeah? If you are who you say you are… Show me you're power then!" Trunks yelled.

Mary Sue sighed.

"Now look Trunks! I'm here to help…and besides! Whom ever I show my powers to will die a very, VERY… slow, horrible excruciatingly painful death!" Mary Sue said flicking her hair from her eyes.

"Ooowww!" The guys in the Z Senshi moaned as her beautiful skin glistened in the sunlight.

The Z Senshi all walked over to Mary Sue to start to greet her properly. Chaozu grabbed Trunks arm.

"We need to get out of here Trunks… Before what ever has come over them will happen to us!" Chaozu warned.

"You're right! But I'm taking my Father! My mother seems to be ok…" Trunks said as he watched his mother become best friends with the evil stranger.

"And I'm taking Tenshinhan! We need to devise a plan!" Chaozu said dragging the Triclops away from the group.

"I think I know who can help us… although! It won't be easy… And I wish we had a different option!" Trunks sighed.

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"Are you sure about this Trunks?" Chaozu asked as he held Tenshinhan.

"Well it's our only option… who else is going to know what to do?" Trunks sighed holding his still drugged out father.

"Yeah I know… but…She… scares me…" Chaozu said shivering.

"Well I'm sure she can't be that bad…" Trunks smiled at his friend.

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"Ok who is going to challenge me first!" Mary Sue asked as her tail whisked behind her gracefully.

"ME!" Goku yelled bouncing up and down on his butt.

Chichi pulled out, from who knows where, a huge fry pan. She rammed it against the side of Goku's head and he went flying into Bulma's house.

"Goku…" Krillin said watching the Saiyan fly into the building.

"I will challenge you! You little vixen!" Chichi huffed her face still red from rage.

"Fine suit your self!" Mary Sue smirked.

"Gee Chichi…DID YOU HAVE TO RUIN MY HOUSE!" Bulma yelled pointing at the caved in dome shaped house.

"Nobody tells my Goku what to do but me!" Chichi said getting her magical fry pan ready.

"Don't say I didn't warn you!" Mary Sue smiled.

Chichi ran toward the slim girl, Mary Sue stood smirking as the older woman charged at her. Mary Sue flicked her hair backwards and gave Chichi an evil, overwhelmingly frightening look. All of a sudden Chichi stopped in her tracks and dropped the huge fry pan. The Z Senshi stood in anticipation as Chichi didn't move a muscle.

"Chichi?" Bulma asked.

"Mom…?" Gohan asked looking up from his book.

"Mary Sue…" Chichi whispered.

The Z Senshi looked at each other confused. Chichi looked up, her eyes clouded with tears and starts and a huge smile was whipped across her face.

"MARY SUE! You're my best friend!" Chichi shouted as she ran to hug the girl.

A huge evil grin spread across Mary Sue's face as all the Z Senshi came in for one huge hug.

"We love you Mary Sue!" The all cheered in unison like stupid lovesick puppies.

"Of course you do…" She smirked. "I'm Mary Sue… Everyone loves me! MUHHH HA AHA HA AHA HA!" Mary Sue laughed evilly.

Goku stood up from the rubble of Bulma's house. Small yellow birds where still flying around his head as he looked at all the Z Senshi and smiled. He stood up straight and lent his head back.

"MUHHH HA AHA HA AHA HA!" Goku laughed copying Mary Sue.

The Z Senshi stopped and looked at Goku.

"Oh Goku!" Bulma giggled.

A huge frying pan came flying at Goku's head as he went flying again into Bulma's house again.

"Chichi!" Bulma screamed.

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"She turned my dad into a dribbling idiot! Not to mention what she did to Tenshinhan…" Trunks sighed.

"TENSHINHAN!" Tenshinhan shouted beating his chest.

"It's ok Tenshinhan!" Chaozu said calming the man down.

"NFREOG HRIWVN CSIWEQNUP!" Vegeta yelled from a bed in the corner.

"We really need your guidance! What do we do? Our powers are useless against her!" Trunks pleaded.

Babba stroked her chin slowly. She sighed and looked into her crystal ball. She hummed some old language as Trunks and Chaozu waited for her reply.

"Yes… I see what you mean… She is unlike any force we have ever faced before! She is a million and one times stronger than Cell… not to mention she has an evil aura that sucks people's souls into a deep black hole!" Bubba sighed.

"What are we to do if we can't beat her?" Chaozu asked looking at his beloved friend.

"There seems there is only one option we can try…" Babba said getting there attention.

"Yes… what is it?" Trunks asked.

Babba held out her hand and imitated a cough. Trunks sighed and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a capsule that held a suitcase full of money.

"10 000 000 Zeni…" Trunks said handing her the suitcase.

"Thank you… you're too kind!" She greedily smiled.

Trunks rolled his eyes.

"We need to travel to the other world… I have some friends who may very well be of help to us!" She said smiling.

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That's the end of part two!

What is Mary Sue up to? Can anyone possibly save DBZ from the evilest enemy in the history of Fan fiction?

**Stay tuned for part three!**


	3. Chapter 3

Ye olde disclaimer: we do not own DBZ. Period. Heck, I used to own a single DBZ video and that was just about it.

Ye olde disclaimer, part two: any resemblance to anyone or any story is purely coincidental. If you feel offended because you write stories like the ones described below, we assure you we're not here to mock anyone… there'll be plenty time for that later!

And now, on to our regularly scheduled programming.

Konrad your host this evening.

"Ladies and gents I'd like to thank you all for coming out tonight"

- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -

THE INCREDIBLE UNCANNY ADVENTURES OF MARY SUE

Part Three

By Bloodpatternblue and Konrad

With Vegeta and Tenshinhan also in tow, Babba teleported Trunks and Chaozu to the Other World, bringing the small group to Kaio-Sama's planetoid.

"Oh, thank heavens it's you! About time!" Kaio-Sama greeted them in relief. "This is a disaster with this Mary Sue person!"

"Hi, Kaio-Sama. So I guess you've seen the strange things that are happening around us." Chaozu replied before seeing two strangers behind Kaio-Sama. One was a tall girl around Trunks' age with sandy blonde hair and eyes that were a mix of green and blue. Her face was beaming with joy when they arrived. The other stranger was a young Black male, about as tall as the girl and sporting glasses.

"So you're Kaio-Sama, nice to meet you. Who are they?" Trunks asked of the two strangers.

"Right, this is Bloodpatternblue and Konrad. They're fan fiction writers." Kaio-Sama said, motioning to the girl and the boy respectively.

"Hi Trunks, hi Chaozu! Wow, I can't believe I'm meeting you guys for real!" Bloodpatternblue squealed. Konrad rolled his eyes.

"Women…" he said.

"Where do you guys come from and how do you know us?" Chaozu asked. "Does this have anything to do with Mary Sue?"

"Yeah, we came here to explain what's going on. We're not from here, you see we come from another universe called…" As he spoke, Konrad put both hands in the air and, with two fingers on each hand, he did a quotation mark sign as he continued. "…The 'Real World'."

"Another universe? What is this 'Real World' like?" Trunks inquired. Bloodpatternblue and Konrad immediately glared at him.

"No, no! It's not the real world, it's…" Konrad put up his hands again and did the quotation sign again. "…The 'Real World'."

"But that's what I said, the Real World." Trunks repeated simply.

"NO! It's…" for the third time, Konrad put up his hands and did the quotation sign again. "…The 'Real World'. Get it?"

"Um, no." Konrad and Bloodpatternblue sighed.

"So why don't you explain to everyone here what your world is like?" Kaio-Sama offered to move the discussion forward.

"Right." Bloodpatternblue replied. "Well to put it simply, in our universe we watch television episodes of your adventures." Everyone, except Vegeta and Kaio-Sama, gasped. Kaio-Sama had already heard this information of course while Vegeta was too busy trying to rhyme 'Bulma' with 'blue'.

"Tenshinhan!" Tenshinhan said indignantly.

"Us, on TV?" Babba replied in shock.

"That's right." Bloodpatternblue continued. "In our universe, people follow all that you do on a TV show called Dragonball Z. It's really popular. There's lots of stuff like toys, books, videogames, and other merchandise based on the show and you guys. People even write fan fiction stories on you guys. Konrad and I are big fans of your show and we're also fan fiction writers. That's how we know you. By the way, Trunks, YOU ROCK!" she exclaimed abruptly before putting her hand on her mouth and blushing."

"I brought them here when I heard of the Mary Sue danger. I couldn't believe the warnings but I did so just in case." Kaio-Sama said.

"Though we don't look like this in our universe." Konrad said with a growing indignant look on his face. "Being transferred here made us look like people from this universe. This is an outrage! Why do Black Anime characters have big lips! This is discrimination!" He growled in anger, while Bloodpatternblue giggled.

"Aww, someone's a little upset. I'm happy about my Anime look. Check these out!" she said pointing to her enormous Anime-style chest. "I get really huge boobs like all Anime girls, that's really awesome. Hey, check this out!"

"N-No! DON'T…!" Kaio-Sama yelled in panic but it was too late. Bloodpatternblue, too chirpy to hear him, bounced up and down repeatedly for a few moments.

"WEEEEE! That was cool, huh?"

"Not really, child. Look!" Babba scolded.

"Huh? What… Oh dear!" Bloodpatternblue exclaimed.

Trunks, Tenshinhan, Chaozu and Konrad just looked at Bloodpatternblue with their eyes almost out of their sockets and their jaws to the floor.

"Ten… shin… han…" Tenshinhan could only mutter.

"Whoa! Bouncing boobs… I am so turned on right now!" Trunks barely spoke above a whisper while Chaozu nodded speechlessly.

"Damnit!" Konrad said, clutching his chest. "Bouncing boobs… having a… heart attack… Best… death… ever! AAAACKKKKK!" he fainted immediately.

"Nice going, girl." Kaio-Sama chided.

"Oops!" Bloodpatternblue said, blushing hard.

Moments later, they were finally able to revive Konrad. Luckily enough, his heart attack was very mild.

"Oh man, what happened?" he said.

"I think someone likes this version of me." Bloodpatternblue giggled and joked at Konrad.

"Yeah, Trunks." He retorted with a smirk, earning himself a knock on the head from the girl. Kaio-Sama sighed.

"Can we please get back to some serious talk, people?"

"Right, right. As we were saying, in…" Bloodpatternblue put her hands up and did the quotation sign. "…The 'Real World', there are lots of people like us who are fans of your show and write stories about you guys, which makes it called fan fiction."

"Wait a minute, it's really flattering that people like us and I know it's impossible for everyone to be a good writer but still a lot of it is good, right? I mean you authors don't make us do stupid things, right? Chaozu said, worry etched on his face.

"Besides making Trunks' mother get with Piccolo, of course not…" Konrad replied.

"Oh okay… huh, wait, WHAT!" Trunks stuttered.

"… There's nothing wrong with fan fiction even when it's bad." Konrad continued.

"Yes, it's a great homage to us." Kaio-Sama added.

"However there are some problems. Lots of authors write up some stuff where you people are downright unrecognizable. Sometimes it can be good but sometimes it can also be really bad. It's called 'out of character' or OOCnes in short." Said Konrad.

"Wait, what's was that about my mother and Piccolo?" Trunks said, his face livid.

"There are lots of these types of stories in all sorts of fan fiction universes and they're written especially by teenage writers. They often have an original female, or sometimes male, character is created and is some sort of ultra perfect and ultra powerful being." Bloodpatternblue continued. "In Dragonball Z fan fiction, she's always perfect in every way and she's made to be like Goku's long lost mother or Vegeta's long lost sister or something like that."

"Wait! Mary Sue said something like that." Chaozu said.

"Piccolo… my mother… oh God!" Trunks whined.

"Precisely!" Bloodpatternblue replied. "This perfect girl is referred to as Mary Sue, or Marc Sue if it's a guy, and she ruins any story she's in because the author can't write good stories!"

"Except that now there's so many of these crap stories in fan fiction that all the negative energy that they bring has created a foul creature, a living manifestation of Mary Sue!" Konrad spoke in a dark ominous tone. "Through crappy fan fiction, she infiltrates universes like yours and tries to take them over gradually by making everyone act in an OOC manner. We at the Anti-OOC Alliance have seen what she can do! She has almost completely destroyed the Pokemon, Sailor Moon, Inuyasha and Greek Mythology universes." He said before lowering his head and sighed. "Neon Genesis Evangelion will never be the same again…"

"Because of her influence, everyone in your universe will start acting according to OOC fan fiction stereotypes until they are completely her slaves." Bloodpatternblue explained. "For example, Goku is always written as an idiot in fan fiction so now he's turning into a complete retard here. And Yamcha is a womanizing cheat…"

"Krillin is always a joker so now he's always making stupid jokes. And Piccolo is somehow always obsessed with women and sex despite being basically a Martian without balls!" Konrad continued.

"You don't know that he doesn't have testi… ooh, please continue!" Trunks said, catching himself before he said something incriminating.

"Chichi is a frying pan-wielding harpy while Gohan is a little bitching intellectual emo." Said Bloodpatternblue. "And Tenshinhan, the few times that people actually bother to write him in a story, he's given no personality at all so all he does is say his name all the time."

"Tenshinhan!" Tenshinhan replied indignantly.

"Whatever, big guy." She chided gently.

"What about my dad?" Trunks asked and everyone turned to look at Vegeta who was still trying to write a love poem.

"Oh Bulma!" he started to read out his poem out loud in an attempted romantic tone. "You are sweeter than the air that surrounds you, you make my life so sweet, and I'm not blue because your hair is blue too, because of you! Err, I need to write more of that!" And he continued to work on his poem while everyone sweat dropped.

"Well, Vegeta is written as a bleeding-heart romantic pansy too often so that's what influencing his behaviour now. It seems now he's a really bad romantic poet." Konrad explained. "And Bulma always wants a real man so she's now attracted to Tenshinhan."

"Ouch!" Trunks winced. "Thank goodness Father isn't in his right state of mind to hear this!"

"Tenshinhan!" Tenshinhan proclaimed proudly, thumping his chest.

"If everybody's being affected, what about us?" Trunks asked.

"Oh, for you it's simply because you come from a timeline, so Mary Sue can affect you right away." Konrad said.

"And me?" Chaozu asked. At this, Bloodpatternblue and Konrad bowed their heads slightly.

"Well, like I said, she makes your friends act like they're written in bad fan fiction." Bloodpatternblue started.

"So you're not affected because no one writes you in their stories to begin with. You're just not popular, Chaozu." Konrad finished. At this, Chaozu hung his head low in sadness.

"Oh, I see. I guess there's just no place for me in fan fiction." He said pathetically.

"Awww, cheer up, little guy! Don't be so down. Hey, listen up! When this is all over and we've gone back to our world, Konrad and I will write fan fiction with you starring in it, what do you say?" Bloodpatternblue said sweetly. Chaozu perked up a bit.

"Do you mean it?" he asked.

"No." Konrad responded, smiling back. "We don't mean a single word of that."

"Aww, now I know you're my friends because you're honest!" Chaozu said in joy, throwing his arms around Bloodpatternblue.

"There! There, you cute little clown boy emperor whatchamacallit thingy you!" she said as she returned his hug.

"Sorry to interrupt the moment but we have a plan." Kaio-Sama stated.

"Right. We'll need to distract Mary Sue, we must rejoin the Z Senshi like nothing happened." Bloodpatternblue said.

"Wait, what do we do with him?" Trunks inquired while pointing at Vegeta.

"Oh Bulma, my love of my life, you wear the smiles of a thousand suns on your jade face… Wait, a sun can't smile, right?" The Prince interrupted himself in the middle of his latest bout of inspiration. "Oh dear, I'm gonna have to change that!"

"We'll take him with us so it doesn't arouse any suspicion." Bloodpatternblue replied. "So, me, you and Tenshinhan will go back to your world."

"Alright, I guess the rest is up to me and Chaozu." Konrad added. "We must travel to the dimension of Ultra-Creatively Retarded Anime Publishing, or Ultra-CRAP, to get the only thing that can scare Mary Sue…" Kaio-Sama gasped.

"NO! You don't mean…?"

"Yes." Konrad spoke ominously in a dark tone. "We must get a DBZ High School fan fiction! And it can't be just bad, it must be absolutely horrendous."

"It is the only way!" Bloodpatternblue said, in an equally ominous tone. Kaio-Sama sighed.

"If you say so. But please be careful, it's a dangerous weapon that can even turn against us." He pleaded.

"Don't worry, we'll take every precaution necessary to…" Konrad started but a loud beeping sound coming from his watch interrupted him. "Huh? What time is it…? Oh crap, it's time for a commercial break!" He turned back smiling at the television camera that was following the whole scene. "We'll be right back after these messages!" Bloodpatternblue groaned and shook her head.

"I can't take him anywhere!"

- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -

A word from the sponsors:

"Good evening everyone.

While you're reading fan fiction, it is important to note that YOU can make a positive difference in someone else's life. While there is lots of fan fiction out there to read, some people aren't so fortunate as to have fan fiction written about them. I'm here to talk about one such person; his name is Chaozu.

Like every Anime character, Chaozu dreams of starring in his own fan fiction. But, sadly, there aren't many of those with him in it, even when he doesn't have a starring role. This is unfortunate and unfair for underprivileged characters like Chaozu.

Please donate to the 'Chaozu Fan Fiction Wish' Foundation. Every contribution, even a penny, will go towards helping this poor character get his own fan fiction stories. Together we can make a difference in Chaozu's life."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bloodpatternblue: "Just so you all know, I don't act like that in real life!"

Konrad: "Nice try!"

Bloodpatternblue: Whistles innocently "What? I don't act like that! It is obvious YOU wrote this chapter!"

Konrad: "And how can you tell I wrote this chapter?"

Bloodpatternblue: clears throat and quotes Konrad "I'm happy about my Anime look. Check these out!" she said pointing to her enormous Anime-style chest." gives Konrad an evil glare

Konrad: "What!"

Bloodpatternblue: "Just so all the readers out there know… even though Konrad gave me enormous boobs in this story he didn't at all receive a huge dic…"

Konrad: Screams over the top of Bloodpatternblue "AAAAAAARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Shut up Bloodpatternblue! Just so the readers know… I didn't need an enlargement, it's already too big!" Pouts

Bloodpatternblue: "Now who's lying!"

Konrad: "Get lost!" pushes Bloodpatternblue away

To be continued…

DUN! DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!


	4. Chapter 4

After what was possibly the longest bathroom break in Canadian history (and probably that of the world), Waves & Rocks Productions is proud to welcome you back to our regularly scheduled programming, produced by Bloodpatternblue and Konrad.

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**THE STUPENDOUS EPIC ADVENTURES OF MARY SUE!**

Part Four

By Bloodpatternblue and Konrad

"Mary Sue… F#k Yeah… Came to save…"

"STOP!" Mary Sue yelled. Almost everyone immediately stopped singing and jigging to the theme song. But Goku continued to dance and sing.

"America… er, I mean Mary Sue… F#k yeah… what's an America… er, came to save, something something… OWW!" Goku's attempted singing was abruptly interrupted by Chichi's frying pan.

"Quiet, Goku!" she said before turning to the indescribably gorgeous Mary Sue. "Mary Sue sweetie, what's wrong?"

"The theme song just won't work without the others with us." Mary Sue sighed, then hearts appeared in her eyes. "I especially need my sweetie pie, the love of my life, my hunky dunky chunk of Trunks!"

"Here I am!" a voice rose up from behind them. Everyone turned to see Future Trunks, Tenshinhan, Vegeta… and Bloodpatternblue holding Trunks' arm.

"Hi everyone!" Bloodpatternblue chirped.

"This plan of yours better work. I don't like being ogled at by that girl." Trunks whispered to Bloodpatternblue.

"Relax, Trunksy wunksy." Bloodpatternblue teased lightly. "Try not to get too emotional and let me do the talking, ok?"

"Trunks, my love doll." Mary Sue said in her saccharine voice as she approached the group. "I'm so glad to see you again. Where have you been? And who is this hussy and why is she holding your arm?"

"Hussy?" Bloodpatternblue shrieked. "Who are you calling a hussy, you five-dollar whoMMMFFF!" Her mouth was immediately covered by Tenshinhan's hand.

_Sigh. _"Well, Mary Sue, this is my GIRLFRIEND Bloodpatternblue." Trunks explained. "As in, I'm TAKEN."

"Yeah, that's right, you witch!" Bloodpatternblue yelled as she managed to get her mouth free. "Besides, Trunks wouldn't want you! You're too ugly and your boobs aren't as big as mine!"

"WHAT? Why, I outta…!" Mary Sue started.

"Hey everyone, I think it's time we go fight Cell." Krillin interjected with a laugh. "And we better win 'cause otherwise we'll die. And you know what that means! That means we'll be in Heaven together forever and you'll have to listen to my jokes for all of eternity. Wouldn't that be exciting! Hey, I got a new one! Inuyasha sees Ryu Hayabusa in a bar and he goes 'Hey, who are you?' and Ryu goes 'Hey, how do you know my name?' and Inuyasha is like 'What?' and Ryu goes 'You said my name, Ryu!'. Get it? Who-are-you? Ryu? HAHAHAHA!"

Everyone sweat dropped.

"Ugh, this whole 'take over the fanfiction universes' thing might have some drawbacks." Mary Sue commented.

"Hmmm, what was that?" Chichi asked.

"Oh, uh nothing!" Mary Sue back-pedalled. "Now, why don't we go kick Cell's butt?"

"Why bother!" Gohan complained. "This existence and all it's violence is an expression of class struggles that have manifested themselves for centuries in conflict of power and imperialist ambition which to the creation of great empire that enslave populations and…"

KLANG!

"Put a sock in it, Mr Bleeding Heart Intellectual!" Chichi said while Gohan rubbed his sore head. "Now let's all go meet this Cell fellow. And we women will come too since some of you men are obviously idiots!"

"Ooh, that means I get to hitch a ride with my piece of man-meat!" Bulma cooed as she placed her hand on Tenshinhan's chest.

"Tenshinhan!" Tenshinhan beamed proudly.

"You said it, big guy!"

"Wait, Bulma my love!" Vegeta cried then started his latest creative inspiration. "This flame in my heart so deep burns eternal for your tender touch and…"

"Shut up, you little bitch, I got me a real man now!" Bulma yelled.

"That'll hurt in the morning." Bloodpatternblue said to Trunks while watching them.

"Yeah." Trunks whispered back. "Sadly enough, that was his best poem."

"Oh well. I hope the others are doing ok." She wondered aloud.

- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -

When they reappeared, Konrad, Chaozu and Babba landed in what looked like a Martian landscape with strange floating scrolls. The soil beneath them was a dark brown while the entire atmosphere was an eerie red. A light haze made the air feel heavy while a strong stench struck the visitors like a whip.

"Oh Kami!" Babba cried out covering her nose.

"Pouaahh! That smell, this is crap!" Chaozu complained.

"Correction, this is Ultra-CRAP!" Konrad responded. "All these fan fiction stink so much that they actually do stink so to speak!"

"I must leave this foul place at once." Babba said.

"No problem, thanks for getting us here." Konrad waved her off, then turned to Chaozu and pulled out two gas masks. "Here, we won't survive long without these. Now let's get on with our search. I can't believe we got in so easily but the guardians they will eventually start looking for us, especially me!"

Taking out searchlights, the pair started looking around the Ultra-CRAP dimension. It was filled with hundreds of thousands of floating scrolls. They each represented a bad fan fiction from all sorts of universes.

"How can we find one specific in all this?" Chaozu asked.

"It's not as bad as it looks." Konrad answered. "Babba teleported us to the Dragonball section, now we just need to filter out the rest and get a High School fic. Anyone so long as it's appallingly bad."

"Oh, so we can pick almost anything considered the utter-crappiness of everything here. Look at this junk! Bad Bulma/Vegeta romances, Mary Sue style fics… uh, Yamcha is a Saiyan?"

"Apparently that's a popular one." Konrad shrugged. His expression changed as he looked quickly looked around. "Damn, we need to hurry, Chaozu!"

"Done!" Chaozu exclaimed as he grabbed a scroll. "Check out the title on this one, _DBZ Hi Skewl Fun_. With a title like that it must be horrible beyond compare!"

"Alright! Now let's just go back…"

Before Konrad could speak more, a brisk wind picked up around them, making a loud howling noise. Meanwhile the ground shook violently.

"W-what's going on?" Chaozu asked.

"Oh no, not them!" Konrad yelled.

The wind condensed in three spots ahead of them. Before they could do anything, those three concentrations of winds materialized into three dark ghostly figures. About eight feet tall, these figures were each completely enveloped in a large dark cloak that revealed nothing except for large, circular red eyes. Eyes that looked angry. Konrad shrieked.

"Eek! Guardians! Chaozu, run!" he cried as he grabbed the emperor boy and they darted in the direction they came from. But the guardians simply teleported in front of them. "Oh please, I don't want to go in jail! Please!" Konrad whimpered.

"Don't worry, I'll protect you!" Chaozu said and he got in front of Konrad. "We need to take this or else the universe is doomed. But if you're gonna stop us, I'm prepared to fight you!"

"Get out of the way or we'll have to arrest you along with the criminal!" said the first guardian.

"Yes, do you wish to be arrested for this petty criminal?" said the second guardian.

"Huh? Konrad's a criminal? But how can that be possible? What's his crime first of all?"

"He has committed the most heinous crime possible in fan fiction!" said the third guardian.

"Yes, he has started stories he hasn't finished. He has… incomplete fan fiction!" boomed the second guardian in a dark ominous voice.

"What? Konrad, you have fanfics you haven't finished? Is that true?" Chaozu asked.

But Konrad didn't seem to hear him. Instead, he was curled up in a foetal position on the ground and shaking uncontrollably.

"I'm going to finish my fics; I swear I'm going to finish them! Yes, I'm going to complete my fics! I'm going to finish them, I'm going…" he kept mumbling as if he was in some sort of daze.

"Ooookay!" Chaozu commented.

"He'll face the harshest punishment we can hand out. He'll be forced to listen to Paris Hilton's album for the rest of eternity!"

"No!" Chaozu yelled. "You monsters!"

"Such is the law; Konrad knew he was breaking the law. Thus is his punishment!" stated the first guardian.

"But… Paris Hilton's album…" Chaozu tried to plead.

"Goingtofinishmyfics, goingtofinishmyfics, goingtofinishmyfics…" Konrad's rambling got more frantic and louder.

"The time has come for you to face justice, Konrad!" The second guardian spoke.

"No, wait! There's gotta be a way we can arrange something!" Chaozu said.

"Like how?" asked the third guardian.

"Like, uh, erm… a contest!" Chaozu yelled out the first idea that came to his head. The three guardians turned to look at each other briefly before turning again to Chaozu.

"Very well." The first guardian spoke. "We'll have a math contest!"

"Oh... Crap." Chaozu muttered.

- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -

Can Mary Sue beat Cell? Will she steal Trunks away from Bloodpatternblue? Can Chaozu count for shit? Find out in our next update in October… 2009… going by the Muslim epoch…

To be continued sometime after Earth's population has been moved to the Moon…

Bloodpatternblue: "That was good except…."

Konrad: " What! What is it! I can't handle the pressure!"

Bloodpatternblue: "I don't really like future trunks! And you make me out to be a bimbo!"

Konrad Clears throat, leans over to Bloodpatternblue and whispers something in her ear

Bloodpatternblue: "Oh ok… well in that case…"

Konrad: "SHHHH You will give away the ending!"

Bloodpatternblue: "The way we are going there will never be an ending!"

Konrad: "Well whose fault is that? I had to write two chapters in a row because you are soooooo lazy!"

Bloodpatternblue: pouts

Konrad: "See you next time!"


	5. Chapter 5

Hey for once, I'm actually AHEAD of schedule:-p

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**THE FANTASTIC GINOURMOUS ADVENTURES OF MARY SUE**

Part Five

By Bloodpatternblue and Konrad

"I am Cell, I am evil! Ha ha ha!… No, didn't sound evil enough…"

A certain tall greenish figure paced around in a field, reading a book title '101 Mannerisms of the Good Bad Guy'

"Hmmm, 'State your name and evil purpose with your poise. Follow with maniacal laughter, making full use of lungs. When properly done this should send shivers down the spines of your enemies.' Ok, here goes again." Cell took a really breath. "I am Cell! I am evil and I will conquer the world! HAR HAR HAR!!! Ooh, I think that was perfect!"

"There he is!" someone exclaimed from afar. Cell looked up to see almost the whole Z Squad, along with Mary Sue and Bloodpatternblue, flying down to meet him.

"Ooh crap, here comes my audience!" Cell stood up straight with his chest puffed out.

The Z Squad landed in front of the green monster and the two sides face each other in a Classic Stare-down©.

"My, he's even manlier than my triple-visioned hunk!" Bulma exclaimed licking her lips.

"Tenshinhan!" Tenshinhan responded indignantly. 

"He's a bit bigger than I thought." Bloodpatternblue gulped. "What do you think, Trunks... Trunks, are you okay???" 

"Ugh, I'm good just getting a small headache." The Saiyan boy muttered under his breath while holding his head with one hand. Noticing this, a small grin crept up on Mary Sue's face. 

"So you are Cell, eh?" She spoke to the monster. 

"That's right. Ahem!" Cell cleared his throat. "I am Cell! I am evil and I will conquer the world! HAR HAR HAR!!!" he boasted and flexed his muscles.

"Oh no, he is evil!" Vegeta cried out. "Kakalotto, hold me!"

"Aaarghh!" Trunks fell down to his knees clutching his head in pain.

"Trunks!" Bloodpatternblue cried in dismay.

"YES, IT WILL BE DONE!" Mary Sue yelled out. "My time has come!"

"You crazy witch, what are you doing?" Bloodpatternblue screamed at her. 

"Now that I know that Cell has been infected by OOCness, that means I am at my maximum power! Everyone will be infected and I will take over the Dragonball Z universe! TEE HEE HEE!!!"

"No, you haven't won, you bitch!"

"Oh yeah? Watch this!" Mary Sue mocked. "Vegeta-poo, who am I again?"

"You are my long-lost sister and girlfriend from the past who has come back to rekindle our love!" The Prince said with oogly eyes.

"Great, and Goku?"

"Um, you're my sister and lover from the past and we have children or something?" Goku wondered.

"Exactly! Isn't OOCness wonderful?! And now the clincher! Trunks-honey?" Mary Sue sneered.

"No Trunks, resist her!" Bloodpatternblue yelled out.

"I… am…" Trunks grunted struggling to get back on his feet. "I… am… Trunks Briefs, male supermodel and Mary Sue's TRUE lover!!!" He exclaimed as he finished getting on his feet, with a sexy wiggle from his hips. 

"No, not you too… Trunks, noooooooo!!!" Bloodpatternblue cried with tears in her eyes. She fell to her knees, dejected, while all the Dragonball Z characters gathered around her with absent, evil eyes.

"Now to be rid of you so nothing stands in my way!" Mary Sue snickered. She approached Bloodpatternblue with her hand raised to strike. But then a sudden mini-tornado of wind erupted and collided with Mary Sue, sending her flying hundreds of feet away.

"What the…" Bloodpatternblue wondered when a pair of arms picked her up.

"Sorry we're late." Konrad spoke up, smiling. "Looks like you were having quite a time without us."

"Trunks, snap out of it!" Chaozu yelled waving a piece of paper in front of the dazed Saiyan. "Come on, this is DBZ Hi Skewl Fun, this should wake you up to normal!"

"Ugh, that hurts! That damn witch!" Trunks grunted while the other DBZ characters looked on, not sure what to do.

"BPB, are you okay?" Konrad asked with concern. Bloodpatternblue leapt to him and wrapped her hands around his neck. 

"Oh, thank goodness you're here! But I was so worried about you, what happened to you? Are you alright, did you get into any trouble?"

"Well, you see…" Konrad started.

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(Begin Flashback)

"So we shall ask you this one question and only one. If you get it wrong, this thief will face our ultimate punishment." The first guardian said.

"Listening to Paris Hilton's album for all eternity." The second guardian confirmed. 

"That is the ultimate punishment, listening to Paris Hilton's album for all eternity!" The third one boomed.

"You know, we already said it. If you don't have anything new to add, don't say anything!" The second one said, irritated.

"Sorry, guys."

"Goingtofinishmyfics, goingtofinishmyfics, goingtofinishmyfics…" Konrad rambled on.

"So to the task at hand. Answer this question, Chaozu: can you count up to 28?" The first one asked. A bead of sweat formed on Chaozu's head as he knew he couldn't do it but at the same time the importance of the mission was too great.

"Um, yes?" he answered tentatively.

"Well, then go ahead." The second guardian said.

"Um, er… one, two…hmmm, three?… seven… no wait, five, five! Erm, what comes after five…" Chaozu's brow was furrowed in intense concentration.

"Wait a minute!" Konrad exclaimed, his rambling seemingly stopped and his brain back in function. "He answered your question already."

"No he didn't." The second guardian said.

"Yes he did! You asked 'Can you count up to 28?' and he answered 'Yes'. You said you'd ask one and only one question. That was your question and he answered it!"

The three guardians opened their mouths to speak but then sweatdropped.

"But that's not…" 

"You see we're right! So I'm free from your charges! Come on Chaozu, let's go!" Konrad grabbed the clown-boy by the arm and ran away as fast as he could, leaving behind a cloud of dust and three dumbfounded guardians.

"You know, I totally had you guys' backs." The third guardian finally spoke up.

"Shut the hell up!" The two others intoned simultaneously.

(End Flashback)

- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -

"… And so, after I had defeated the Three-Headed Dragon, rescued the drowning orphans and obtained the Sharingan from Uchiha Sasuke, the King offered his beautiful daughter in marriage to me, I declined saying that I wanted to rescue you and be with you!" Konrad concluded his story with a bright smile.

"Oh Konrad, you did all that and you came to save me?!" Bloodpatternblue cried of joy.

"All in the life of a hero! But now we gotta finish this." Konrad said handing to Bloodpatternblu the high school fic after Chaozu was done freeing Trunks.

"Right!" she exclaimed.

"Man, this is not easy." Trunks said as he fought off Piccolo and Tenshinhan. "We can't hurt them too much but they're hard to beat."

"You're telling me." Chaozu said, ducking between swings of Chichi's frying pan. "We need to get rid of that Mary Sue right away!"

"Leave that me!" Bloodpatternblue said. "Let's go, Konrad!"

"Right! Pidgeotto Whirlwind Attack!" Konrad unleashed a torrent of wind that propelled Bloodpatternblue at high speeds. Trunks and Chaozu looked incredulously.

"Pidge... What the hell…?!" Trunks began.

"I don't know. Because he's a writer or something, I guess." Chaozu shrugged.

Meanwhile, Mary Sue was barely getting up from Konrad's previous tornado.

"Ooh, I'm going to knock that jerk silly…" She muttered.

"You won't hurt anyone anymore!" Bloodpatternblue screamed, tackling Mary Sue to the ground. She then quickly stuffed the high school fic down the other poor girl's throat. "There, eat this!"

"Waaaahhh, it burns! I'm melting, melting, meeeellltiiiiiinnngggg..." Mary Sue writhed in pain as she gradually turned into a puddle of blue goo. Meanwhile, the Z Squad finally started to gain back their senses.

"Oh man, I got such a headache." Gohan whined.

"Did we miss something?" Krillin inquired.

"I feel like I want to hump Tenshinhan for some reason." Bulma stated.

"Is that all you want?" Tenshinhan hinted with a sly smile.

"What?! Why does is that three eyed freak hitting on my mate???" Vegeta fumed. "Kakalotto, this is all your fault, I know it! I'm going to kill you!"

"What the hell are you talking about??? Help, someone stop him!" Goku screamed in panic, running away from the vertically-challenged Prince.

"And that's a wrap!" Konrad stated proudly.

"Wait, aren't we forgetting something?" Trunks pipped up.

"Um, hello?" Everyone turned to see Cell. "What's going on here?"

"Oh, right." Chaozu said nonchalantly. He charged a small ki blast and fired it at Cell. Without having a chance to utter another sound, the green tyrant was instantly disintegrated.

"Huh???" Piccolo's jaw dropped in awe, mimicking almost everyone else's reaction.

"How did Chaozu get this strong?" Gohan wondered aloud.

"From now on, I'm running this show! Got that, bitches?" Chaozu proclaimed. Everyone nodded meekly in response.

"Well I think everything's back to normal." Konrad beamed.

"We better get going back to our world but it was so cool to meet you guys." Bloodpatternblue added.

"Thanks for everything, guys. Hope you can come visit sometime." Trunks responded. The Z Squad waved at the pair as they walked away.

"Finally, this is over. And I got my name cleared from all charges!" Konrad stated.

"You what?!" Bloodpatternblu asked.

"Nothing!"

"Seriously, what did you do this time?"

"Seriously, nothing!"

"Tch, I can't take you anywhere." Bloodpatternblue scoffed. "Anyways, think we got rid of Mary Sue?"

"Of course, I think we handled that well!" Konrad responded smiling.

- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -

_(Xavier Institute for Gifted Youngsters, outside New York)_

Outside the school serving as base for the world's premier team of superhero mutants, Wolverine looked at his handy work and grinned with satisfaction: petunias and tulips were aligned perfectly, their sweet smell filling the air; small ribbons prettied the bushes bordering the garden; all the Victorian-styled tables and chairs were set up; he even found time to feed the squirrels that came occasionally.

"What a beautiful day! Everything's so perfect and charming." He commented to himself. "Maybe my good buddy Scott would love to have some tea right about now!"

The X-Man started skipping happily back to the mansion when abruptly he stopped, almost tripping in the process.

"Ugh… shit! My healing factor is going beserk. And my head hurts. What's the…?" Wolverine started but paused when he took in his surroundings. "Clean tables? Flowers done? Did I do all this? What's going on, damnit?!" His senses screamed inside, telling him to run away as fast as he could but he wouldn't budge. Instead he popped out his claws. X-Men don't run away! Suddenly feeling a presence behind him, he spun around. There stood a perfect-looking teenage boy with bright blue eyes.

"Hi there!…" She chirped with a too-perfect voice.

"No…" Wolverine muttered. Fear griped his muscles and he found himself stepping back slowly in spite of himself.

"…My name is Marc Sue and I'm the long lost Summers brother and your son and your lover who comes from the past!!!"

THE END?!?!?!?!?!

MOUHAHAHAHAHA!!!

- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -

Will Marc Sue, Mary Sue's evil twin brother conquer the X-Men's universe? Will Wolverine and Cyclops get to have tea? Will Storm divorce that loser T'Challa and go back to Logan, her real love??? Haha, I won't answer those questions!… Or at least not now :-p We hope you enjoyed this series and keep in touch for our other writings!


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